Why Are Filipinas Raising Children Alone?

Why are Filipinas Raising Children Alone?
by Judge Divinagracia "Princess" G. Bustos-Ongkeko

            It is hard to understand a growing trend among Filipinas who choose to raise children alone.  In the Philippines, marriage is an inviolable social institution.  Some women choose to whimsically reject it.  They choose to get pregnant and to raise their children by themselves, without the benefits of marriage.  It is hard enough for a father and a mother to raise a child.  I could just imagine how hard it would be to raise one child, much less two or more children alone.

            I know of a case where an unmarried woman got pregnant.  She thought that the father of her child would want to marry her.  It later turned out that he had no intentions of doing so.  She now raises the child alone.  By Filipino standards, her own salary is fair.  Not too high, not too low either.  The child is now of school age.  She wants to send him to a good school but has to settle for a school that she can afford on her own salary.   As she now cannot stand the thought of getting in touch with the child's father, the child is now deprived of the financial contributions a real dad can make.   Of course she can possibly raise enough money by herself, but it would have made things much easier if her kid's real dad were around.

            I know of another case where a woman chose to have a child by a married man.  Of course, Mr. Married Man could not marry her.  She raised the kid by herself.  Having no father figure, that child is now gay.  I know and am friends with many good, talented and kind gay persons.  But gay people will themselves have to admit that the gay lifestyle is no smooth sailing at all.  There are a whole new bunch of problems one encounters when one is gay.

            The latest case I have encountered is this woman who agreed to live in with someone who clearly told her that he had no intentions of marrying her since his Chinese parents were totally against mixed marriages with Filipinas.  She is now pregnant.  I have no idea if she will eventually marry her boyfriend.  I just know that she agreed to this situation knowing what she was up against.

            The Philippines is basically a conservative country.  Its population consists mainly of church going Catholics and Christians.  Even our Muslim brothers in the minority are basically conservative.  However,    having unwed mothers in the family is not the stigma that it used to be.  Some people will even flaunt and announce baby showers for their unwed mother friends or their unwed mother family members.  Some Filipinos will not even counsel or call the attention of their friends or family members who opt for single motherhood, despite the sins committed against their own faiths, and despite all the legal and extra-legal problems it will eventually bring all these unwed mothers.

            A friend of mine almost had a heart attack when she learned that the new girlfriend of her son already has a child by another man.  As a mom, I would probably encounter the same anxiety attacks if it happened to me.  I would also think that it would be harder to find a good husband for an unwed mother as compared to a single woman with no children.

            Philippine law accords much protection to legally married women.   A legally married woman is entitled to support from her husband.  She is entitled to various tax deductions.   She stands to automatically inherit from her husband in case anything morbid should happen to him.   She is the beneficiary of his Government Service Insurance, his Social Security, his Philippine Health Insurance benefits in case she or her children get sick, and many other benefits accorded by Philippine law.   A legal wife can sue a mistress to get back property that properly belongs to herself and her husband (as part of their marriage community property).  A married woman has practically most of the legal protection that Philippine laws will not accord to anyone else other than the legal wife.  I do not understand why Filipinas are choosing not to get married and even choosing to raise children by themselves.

            The laws of your church and the laws of your government are there for good reason and for your own protection, ladies.  Choose your boyfriends wisely.   If you want to have children, do what's right for you and your children.  Get married to a good person first.